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                                                                       How To Be A Great Mom – 12 Awesome Tips
                                                                                 Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Vered of MomGrind.

I’m a mom.

I am also a woman, a wife, a daughter, and a friend.

Recently I started blogging. As it turns out, I am a writer too.

I am wearing many hats and doing so is not always easy. I was grateful to discover this article by Leo, where he shares useful tips on how to be a great dad. When I read Leo’s article, I was curious: do these tips apply to moms? Can I incorporate his advice into my own life?

Obviously, a great mom loves her kids, takes care of their basic physical and emotional needs, and spends quality time with them. But what are the subtler, less obvious ways to become a great mom?

1. Stay true to yourself. You don’t have to give up your own passions and interests once you become a mom. It’s important that you find time for what YOU love to do. Reading, writing, exercising – make these a priority and find a way to incorporate those into your routine. Easier said than done, I know, but you should at least aim to keep doing what you love, even if you don’t get to do it as often as before. If you take care of your own needs, you will be happier and will function better as a mom.

2. Don’t be a martyr. The kids didn’t ask for it, they don’t need it, and they certainly don’t need to pay the price that comes with being mothered by a martyr. Need some time alone? Let the kids watch TV for an hour and go read a book. Feel like you haven’t had adult interaction in ages? Leave them with Dad for the evening and make plans to have dinner with a friend. Getting to the point where you are utterly exhausted is not good for you or for your kids.

3. Don’t try to be perfect. This is true for life in general, and is a major personal goal of mine, regardless of motherhood. Striving for perfection is always a bad idea, because life is messy and unpredictable and full of surprises. Trying to create perfection, or to maintain complete control, is simply impossible and should never be your goal. Once you become a mom, life is messier and crazier than ever before, so it’s more important than ever to let go of that perfectionism. You need to accept that the house will sometimes be untidy, that once in a while dinner will be takeout, and that the kids will sometimes have to entertain themselves while you recharge and regroup.

4. Ditch the guilt. Guilt seems to be one of the most common side effects of motherhood. A friend once told me that she feels guilt every single day. I too am often guilty of feeling guilty. But I am working on it: guilt is unhelpful and a terrible waste of time and energy. Once you make a decision, whether a major one like staying at home vs. going back to work, or a small one like allowing the kids to play a computer game while you have some time for yourself, try to avoid second-guessing yourself. You are doing the best that you can. No one is perfect, and you are not expected to be a perfect mom or to never make mistakes. As long as you love them and provide their basic needs, your kids will turn out fine. Really.

5. Be Patient. Raising kids is hard work. Kids are noisy, messy and incredibly demanding. Yes, you will lose your patience once in a while. I do. But for the most part, try to take a deep breath and see them for the small, helpless people that they are. I am not a patient person by nature, but motherhood has taught me to be more patient than I ever thought I could possibly be.

6. Listen to your children. REALLY listen. This is a tough one for me, but I keep trying. We tend to assume that we know more than our kids do, which is true to some extent of course, so we don’t really bother to listen. In addition, we often act as problem-solvers, dishing immediate advice, when all they need is for us to listen to them. A couple of months ago, my 8 years old told me about problems she was having with friends at school. I immediately offered a solution, and it was obvious she was disappointed. She wasn’t looking for a solution. She simply wanted me to listen.

7. Be their mom, not their friend. Set limits. In a way, it was easy for previous generations. Parents were parents. Kids were kids. Families were patriarchal. Everyone listened and obeyed to the father. Now, families are democratic. We negotiate, talk things over, and listen to each other. We make important decisions together. This is great, but kids still need us to be their parents and set clear limits. We should listen to them and respect them – but we are not their peers. When I was a pre-teen, I used to snap at my mom, “I’m not going to be your friend anymore!” She would look at me calmly and respond, “Well, you are NOT my friend. You are my daughter”. It used to drive me crazy, but she was right. Our job is to be our kids’ mothers – not their friends.

8. Teach them simplicity. You will do them a big – a HUGE – favor, if you teach them at a young age to avoid associating happiness with the accumulation of material possessions. The younger they are, the more likely they are to listen to you, so start early. My kids are 6 and 8, and I often feel that now is the time to instill my values in them, before they are teens (or pre-teens) and peer pressure takes over. When it’s time to declutter, I allow my daughters to be part of the process, and we talk about how we don’t need all that STUFF. We never go shopping as a fun outing. They know that shopping is a necessary evil, something that you do when you really NEED something. Instead of buying books, we borrow books at the library. We reuse as much as we can. Together, we take pride in living in a clean, airy, uncluttered home.

9. Don’t push them too hard. I was raised as an overachiever, and I can testify from my own experience that overachieving does NOT lead to happiness. I do want my kids to be successful. I want them to reach their full potential and to be financially secure. But I am trying not to push them too hard and to maintain a relatively relaxed approach to success at school and to after-school enrichment activities.

10. Teach them self-esteem. I am borrowing this one from Leo’s list, because it is so important. In fact, I agree with Leo that high self-esteem is the single most important gift that a parent can give their kids. A person with a high self-esteem values herself and will not get into, or stay in, an abusive relationship. A person with high self-esteem is more likely to be happy and to reach her full potential. How do you teach your kids self-esteem? Exactly the way Leo said: by showing them that you value them, by spending time with them, and by talking with them and listening to them.

11. Teach them to be self-reliant. Another one that I struggle with every day. It’s very tempting to help your children in a way that robs them of the opportunity to help themselves. At every developmental stage your child reaches, she can do things by herself. If you do them for her, you are not really helping her, but rather holding her back. Gently teach her independence and let her do what she can do, and what is appropriate for her to do, by herself. The sense of accomplishment that comes with being independent is immensely important for a child. I once read in Penelope Leach’s book something that left a huge impression on me: good parents work themselves out of the picture – slowly. As much as I like to feel needed, I try to let my kids be as independent and self-sufficient as they possibly can. Ever so slowly, I am working myself out of the picture.

12. Laugh and have fun! When you’re a mom, it’s easy to become so absorbed in the logistics of taking care of your kids – what Leo refers to as the “mom stuff” – that you forget to relax and have fun. But kids are fun. They give you a wonderful opportunity to be a child all over again, and to do things that you never thought you would do as an adult (jumping in puddles is so much fun!) and see the world through their innocent, curious eyes. Haven’t noticed interesting insects and colorful butterflies in several years? You are going to start noticing them again once you have kids.

So, are the lists any different? They’re different in some way, and similar in others. While both emphasize being good to your kids and to yourself, my list places more emphasis on the “be good to yourself” part. I think that the biggest mistake dads make is that they become so absorbed in their careers that they do not spend enough time with their families. The biggest mistake moms make, in my opinion, is that they become so absorbed in their families that they do not spend enough time on their own passions. Leo’s list helps dads find their balance. My list, hopefully, helps moms find theirs.

                                                                                                      Quick Discipline Strategies

 Use humor. As in my friend's approach, a good laugh helps break the tension. Instead of backing the child into a corner, you let him know that Hey, this is nothing serious. I'm in control so you are safe. We can work this out. I love you.
Use eye contact. Don't call out your instructions from another room if you are really serious about wanting it done. If you're not that serious, just don't bother. Wait until you get into the room with her and make sure that she is looking at you with full attention.
Don't say OK? We often say something like, 'I need you to pick up those clothes, OK?' It's a natural phrase to say when we feel relaxed and good-humored. Better to be direct though, and just point out what needs to be done and when, 'Your clothes are on the floor. Pick them up before you get out that toy.'
Walk away. The message of your body language should be that you have full confidence that your child is going to comply with what you just said. If you walk back through the room and it hasn't been done, give a warning of the consequence. Then, walk away.
Stop talking about it. Quit nagging, placating, lecturing, or preaching. Use one word reminders. Briefly, make certain that your expectation is clear and the consequences are understood. If necessary, implement consequences unemotionally and without discussion.
Use a kitchen timer. From Elaine Gibson at SMU, this is a powerful tool that will get your child's attention and prevent you from letting noncompliance slide by unnoticed.
Institute a chore chart or token system. These can be done without much trouble and may be an appealing intervention for Dad to supervise. It may seem like a hassle to set up, but it can be a time saver. Have a family meeting. It should be somewhat structured with all family members present.

Kimberly L. Keith, former About.com Guide

                                                             10 Tips for Parents of Autistic Children

Parents who have autistic children face unique challenges in raising their kids. Beyond knowing what medications and what types of intervention are most helpful, parents must understand the best ways to interact with their child, and how to incorporate the disease into their everyday lives. Here are 10 tips to help parents of autistic children

1. Try to understand your child’s behaviors. Most children are not bad intentionally; they just react differently to stimulants. In fact, a study by the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that autistic children are more likely perceive eye contact, even from a familiar person, as a threat. What is it that bothers your child? Understanding what most affects your child will help you solve-and possibly prevent-issues quickly and effectively.
2. Find positive outlets for socially “unusual” behavior. Shouting may be frowned upon in many indoor places, but going to a park to do so is acceptable for children. An action that may be out of place in one location may be perfectly tolerable in another.   

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                                                                             Tips for Bedwetting Prevention

Bedwetting can damage the child's self-image and confidence. The best way to prevent this is to be supportive. Parents should reassure the child that bedwetting is a common problem and that they are confident that the child will overcome the problem.
Here are some tips to help your child cope with bedwetting:

• Focus on the problem: bedwetting. Avoid blaming or punishing your child. Remember, your child cannot control the bedwetting, and blaming and punishing just make the problem worse.
• Be patient and supportive. Reassure and encourage your child often. Do not make an issue out the bedwetting each time it happens.
• Enforce a "no teasing" rule in the family. No one is allowed to tease the child about the bedwetting, including those outside the immediate family. Do not discuss the bedwetting in front of other family members.
• Encourage responsibility. Help your child understand that the responsibility for being dry is his or hers and not that of the parents. Reassure your child that you want to help him or her overcome the problem. In addition, have your child help in the clean-up process.
• Make clean-up easy. To increase comfort and reduce damage, use washable absorbent sheets, waterproof bed covers, and room deodorizers.

Tips to Prevent BedwettingAlong with supporting your child emotionally, there are a number of steps you can take that may help reduce the number of bedwetting accidents. Here are more tips.

                                                                                     The Five Essential Components of Reading
        
Reading with children and helping them practice specific reading components can dramatically improve their ability to read. Scientific research shows that there are five essential components of reading that children must be taught in order to learn to read. Adults can help children learn to be good readers by systematically practicing these five components:

• Recognizing and using individual sounds to create words, or phonemic awareness. Children need to be taught to hear sounds in words and that words are made up of the smallest parts of sound, or phonemes.
• Understanding the relationships between written letters and spoken sounds, or phonics. Children need to be taught the sounds individual printed letters and groups of letters make. Knowing the relationships between letters and sounds helps children to recognize familiar words accurately and automatically, and "decode" new words.
• Developing the ability to read a text accurately and quickly, or reading fluency. Children must learn to read words rapidly and accurately in order to understand what is read. When fluent readers read silently, they recognize words automatically. When fluent readers read aloud, they read effortlessly and with expression. Readers who are weak in fluency read slowly, word by word, focusing on decoding words instead of comprehending meaning.
• Learning the meaning and pronunciation of words, or vocabulary development. Children need to actively build and expand their knowledge of written and spoken words, what they mean and how they are used.
• Acquiring strategies to understand, remember and communicate what is read, or reading comprehension strategies. Children need to be taught comprehension strategies, or the steps good readers use to make sure they understand text. Students who are in control of their own reading comprehension become purposeful, active readers.   ed.gov